Go where you are celebrated; not where you are tolerated: A reflection

Dr. D. R. Davis

There is a speaker named Deb Sofield whom I’ve never heard speak. However, when I recently saw the titular quote, it made me search for an author, and her essay/speech came up as a response to my search. She looks to the “What” that can fulfill herself and those in her tribe [my term].

 

When I was young in the Marine Corps, a Sergeant, I had a training requirement to perform. I went to various Marine Corps bases, installed and updated some word processing software, and taught those Marines who would be using it. When I finished, I moved on to the next base.  It was a wonderful experience with fabulous people. I loved it. By the time I retired, as a Major, I would meet with people, and help them devise more automated and/or simpler ways to accomplish their missions, and I had a team of amazing programmers who made the programs work. I loved it.

 

Now, I am older and less physically able to go and do. Yesterday, I was helping guide the process as my sone set up to travel for a festival where he would be a primary food vendor.  I am also to go. My husband was not encouraging for my participation. We recently replaced our primary big towing vehicle with the intention the new truck will tow the food trailer. My plan was to drive that while my son drove his own truck with my camper attached – loaded to the gills with all the accoutrement required to make our event work. My husband said I was “not allowed” to tow with the new truck because I don’t pay attention when I am towing.

 

I will admit I have jack-knifed a few trailers, but I have towed and reversed a lot more than I have damaged. Further, I have only once damaged a truck or trailer without him present, and he was on the phone. So, yeah, he makes me nervous by yelling at me. Yesterday, I felt disheartened, discouraged, dismissed, denigrated, and just plain angry. It should be noted that anytime I damage a vehicle, I coordinate and pay for the repair. He, however, tends to be careless in other situations and I have coordinated and paid for repairs to other vehicles because of his errors. That, however, is irrelevant in the usual means, but I did bring it up when he was yelling at me. Also, there were others around, and I do my darndest not to be derogatory of him around others. So, I apologized and stepped away for a while.

 

It is not something we will be able to discuss because he doesn’t talk about stuff like that – he is right and I am wrong in his perspective – which is an issue.  However, the idea that I could live where I am celebrated (like any other area of my life) is an amazing concept. Frankly, I’m ready to cut my losses, pack my trash, sever my funds, and move. BUT, our adult son, whom I adore, lives here on the property and I just don’t know where to go knowing I’d have to go within our son. When son was validating my participation in the upcoming activity, I joked that he could be evicted so his father could just move across the property, but that’s not fair to son.

 

I tell students that they are born of “generations of DNA and every life experience every had. And that makes them each truly unique and as such highly valuable and worthy of respect – AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY!” Yet my husband makes me feel disrespected routinely. He makes me feel unlovable. He makes me feel incapable. He makes me sad.